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The Emotional Struggle of a Working Mom
When I had my son 7 years ago, I would give anything to NOT work. I felt like someone was taking away a piece of my heart when I left him. My work had a 12-month paid maternity leave, which was amazing at the time! However, he was SO little and I was simply not ready. I spent all my free time trying to figure out how to make money and still be with him. I felt so much jealousy towards our sitter. I hated that she was able to enjoy his sweetness and snuggles all day. While I had to deal with the hustle and bustle of Corporate America. However, over time those feelings change. It was an adjustment period for sure! But once we were in a routine and we were comfortable with our caregiver situation – feelings changed.
The Guilt
The guilty feeling was so much to handle emotionally. I felt so bad having someone else basically raise my child. He was with her majority of the day and growing real attachments. I can still remember the day my son called me by the sitter’s name instead of calling me “mommy”. We had joked about the possibility of that happening, but it was no longer funny. I was heartbroken. In reality, this was actually a good thing. My son had a wonderful relationship with his caregiver, and felt a nurturing connection. As time went on, I realized I had a happy, healthy, social toddler. The guilt slowly went away.
The Shift in Emotions
The entire first year, I spent all my free time (which wasn’t much), trying to figure out how to make money and still be with my son. It felt impossible to find a job with the flexibility we needed and the pay. So, I continued on my career journey. I was promoted and made more money. I had more responsibility and became more consumed with my life at work and less consumed with the stress of leaving my son. As time went on, I couldn’t resist the fact that I had an amazing salary and was continuously advancing. We had created a daily routine. It got easier to leave him. It felt good knowing we had a secure situation and he loved the sitter and she loved him.
The Truth
I did this routine for almost 3 years. I still loved my son. I still missed him so much. I still HATED when I missed one of his “firsts”. However, I was breathing. There were positives to our “working mom” situation. I don’t think I realized it until I was a stay-at-home mom, but there are so many wonderful things about being a working mom. Hear me out…
Mental And Emotional Balance: The time away from my kids actually gave me some emotional balance. I had little bits of time in the day to decompress from the overstimulation I felt from whatever chaos happened as we got out the door. Remember that these times are so important to your mental health.
- THE COMMUTE: We often overlook the commute to work. Whether it is 10 minutes or 45 minutes, it is a little mental break. I know a lot of times I was stressing or frantically rushing on the drive home. But the mental decompression that can happen in that time alone in the car or on the train can give you the break you need to get ready for the home stretch of the evening.
- LUNCH BREAKS: You may not get much time for lunch, or you may work at your desk. As a mom, cherish the moments you have to regroup for a minute. Take your lunch break when you can and use it to your benefit. Check things off your to-do list!
Sense of Self: Motherhood is a very consuming job. It never stops and there are no breaks. You gain an entirely new identity and even a new “name” of Mom. It can be easy to “lose yourself”. Having a career is a reminder of who you were before becoming a mom. The skills you excelled at, your passions and beliefs. Working gives you continuity and stability in your life. I am not going to lie, the challenge of becoming a mother was very anxiety inducing. I didn’t feel confident in my decisions and it was uncharted territory. However, when I went to work I knew what I was doing. I had a team and it brought me confidence.
Socialization: I am not just talking about the social development of your child. You deserve socialization as well!
- SOCIAL LIFE: I know not everyone will go into the office to work. Some of you may work from home. But the opportunity to socialize with other adults can make or break your emotional well-being. For me, this was one of the things I missed most when I became a SAHM. Whether the conversation is work related or personal, I had friends. Even just talking with clients was fulfilling to me. Discussing something other than poop or parenting struggles. Discussing something other than being a mom is so important.
- YOUR CHILD’S SOCIALIZATION: I see a difference socially in my kids. This may be their personalities, but I do attribute some of it to their situations. My son was in a setting with an in-home sitter. He was with other children regularly and had very little separation issues. My daughter was home with me and she was a COVID baby. She is much more social with adults than other children. Learning to socialize at a young age is a very positive situation for a child and can really help with the transition to school.
Financial Stability: Being able to financially contribute to the household can be beneficial in so many ways.
- EMPOWERING: It can make you feel empowered and independent. It is so important for women to know that they can support the family as much as a man. This is also one of my hardest transitions when I became a SAHM. I have felt dependent on another person and controlled because I did not make my own money. This is not the case for every couple of situation, but it is something to consider.
- ADDITIONAL INCOME: This economy is not easy. Having a second income can relieve financial stressors and allow for flexibility. Unexpected costs constantly come up and it can bring conflict if significant enough. A second income can mean a house that fits your family. It can mean that trip to Disney. Or it can mean your child can play the sports they hope to play.
CONCLUSION:
Whether you are a SAHM or a Working mom. There are stigmas attached to both. As you can see, there are so many positives to working. It is hard to say for sure which is harder. It truly depends on your situation, your passions and your mental health. Sometimes it is not a choice. You may have a needs at home and you need to be a available all day. Or financially, you may need the extra income to make ends meet. Regardless of your situation, I hope my personal views and breakdown of the positives of both situation can help you find solace in your situation.
Bottom Line: Being a mom is so hard and also the best thing in the world. Do what works for you, your family, and your marriage. Is one harder than the other? That is all in the eyes of the beholder. You are doing the right thing no matter what you choose. Love your family. Love yourself. Let go of stigmas and guilt and focus on the positives. Your child is loved and they will thrive if you do what you feel is best!
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