Being Stay-At-Home Mom is a Job: 5 Things to Consider

Is SAHM Life For You?

Are you considering being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)?  Wondering if this is the right path for you? For starters, I have been fortunate enough to have done both (SAHM and Working Mom). About four years ago, I left Corporate America to stay at home.  I can honestly say, I still wonder if staying home was the right decision for me.

My Experience

I am now 4 years in, and realizing some things about being a SAHM, the grass is not always greener!  There are a lot of PROS and CONS that I want to explore with you today. The hope is that maybe I can help you decide what is best for you and your family.  I made a list of 5 things to expect as a SAHM. Additionally, I included will the PROS and CONS of each of them. 

1. Opportunity: You get to do ALL the things!:  
   • PRO: I absolutely love the opportunities this lifestyle has presented us. I can take my kids to the zoo or playgrounds whenever I want.  I can participate in all the school events and be there for pick up and drop off.  Additionally, the hugs during those times are absolutely priceless.  Seeing their faces when they experience new things can never be replaced. And, having no limits to what you can do during the day is absolutely amazing for our family life. 
   • CON: The hard part to this, is you literally never do anything alone.  You have to take them to grocery stores, sometimes doctors appointments, quick stops at the bank – all the errands!  Which means those quick trips are no longer quick.  It means braving the car seat fights and missed naps. Not to mention, all the behavioral challenges that you face in a day. It is not always as easy as you would think and very exhausting.
2. Productivity: the housework responsibility falls on you:
   • PRO: The good thing about being a SAHM, is spending a lot of your day at home, allowing availability to keep on top of the house work. Which means, the daily cleaning doesn’t have to completely take up your weekend.  We most definitely have slower weekends and more availability to have quality time with the kids. Especially now that sports have become pretty consuming, I can’t imagine trying to keep up.  We used to have to take time out of our weekend or stay up late to get the chores done.  Usually, the majority of the cleaning can be done at some point, while I am at home.  I am not saying my house is immaculate all the time, it definitely is not. But, we definitely spend less family time worrying about chores.  
   • CON: For me, I DO NOT love cleaning.  I know you are thinking, who does?, right?  But, I know there are people out there who thrive on cleaning.  It calms them, and eases anxiety.  I am unfortunately not one of those people.  The housework becomes very mundane and overwhelming. For example, you will have to clean the kitchen multiple times throughout the day.  This is a constant chore feels so repetitive after a while. Furthermore, you have to remember that we have children home and playing all day.  Which means, we are taking toys out, working on craft projects, having play dates, and baking dog treats.  Along with all of this…comes big messes!  
     *Bonus note/tip:  Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page with expectations of the housework.  In our house, this has become a pain point if things are not immaculate.  It can harbor resentment or fuel criticism.  Make sure there is mutual agreement on cleaning schedules and expectations for the daily chores. 
3. Flexibility: You do not have to answer to “the Man” (please don’t take offense, it is just an expression):
   • PRO:  I don’t have deadlines, daily meetings, and schedules dictated by other people that I have to adhere to.  Which means, I don’t need to put my family on the back burner because I have to fit in time with clients. I no longer have to work during dinner to prove to my manager that I am dedicated.  My schedule revolves around my children’s activities. I am fortunate enough to get to be there for everything I can.  This flexibility is completely unmatched to any situation working outside of the home.  
   • CON: Unfortunately, the fact that my schedule completely revolves around my children, can also be the hard part.  Everything you do is about them, your house, your family.  Which leaves me to sometimes wonder, “where do I fit in?”. It can feel like your time is not your own. Suddenly, it has become a luxury to wash my hair, or shave my legs.  Not to mention, trying to workout with a child on my back. Self-care can be very difficult to squeeze in and it can be easy to put yourself last.  The hardest question to answer is: “What did you do for yourself today?”
   • *Bonus note/tip: Make sure “the Man” doesn’t end up being your spouse.  Meaning, your partner should still be exactly that – A PARTNER!  You are still working, and working very hard. Make sure your partner understands there will still be things you need help with after the workday is over. You working in the home does not mean your spouse will have no responsibilities around the house.  You will need the weekend relief as much as they do.  Discuss those expectations and what it might look like ahead of time and revisit that after several months, if necessary.  
4. So much to give: YOU are the main caregiver for your child:
   • PRO: You have the privilege of being your child’s main caregiver. With that title, you are their safest emotional support person.  This is an amazing and beautiful thing!  The bond any parent, working or not, has with their child is absolutely priceless.  When you are a SAHM, you are THE only person responsible for that all day long.  They come to you for every emotional need. The good thing is that there is no conflict of how to respond or parent. You know how you want to parent your child.  You do not have differences of opinions from outside caregivers. How you choose to respond to your child and teach your child is completely on you.  This is sometimes what I wish I could have had as a working mom.  
   • CON: Being the emotional support person for your developing child can be extremely exhausting!  We joke that as a mom of a toddler, you can almost feel like more of an emotional “punching bag”.  There are very high happy emotions, and very low sad/angry ones. Those emotions change literally with the drop of a hat (or the drop of a snack lol).  Trying to stay level headed and calm and shift gears with those emotions is a lot. It is mentally exhausting and can leave you very overstimulated.  
   • *Bonus note/tip: Have a plan in place for the difficult days and for EVERY day. This plan should allow you time to decompress.  Discuss with your partner a daily routine for when they get home from work that allows you quiet time.  This is NOT the same as time to make dinner, clean, etc.  This is YOU time – take a walk, sit and scroll, stare at the wall…whatever you need!  Just make sure that this is routine and laid out in your expectations for the SAHM. Create BEFORE you start this new way of life.
5. Single Salary Financial Adjustments and Planning:
   • PRO: It can be a very powerful conversation and wonderful for the relationship, if done correctly.  It is very common to have issues with difficult financial discussions and situations in a marriage.  Furthermore, moving to one salary can bring you both together and put you on the same page in determining a budget.  You may find yourself saving in ways you never imagined and being more transparent.  
   • CON: Depending on what you are used to, this could be a difficult transition. This should not make you feel controlled or stuck financially.  If you had separate bank accounts, this is an adjustment. It could be a strain on the relationship to have financial dependency on your partner.  Also, it could lead to more stress on your partner. Having the financial burden to be on only one person is a lot of pressure.