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Do you plan to breastfeed? It is a very big question people ask you when you are pregnant. And boy do they have opinions! I really wanted to try to breastfeed. I was not pressured by my immediate family. I felt the pressures more from friends that had very strong views on breastfeeding, and from society. My friends were not trying to pressure me, but they constantly reminded me of the benefits. I am grateful for them educating me, but my anxiety grew because I knew I wanted my baby to have all of the amazing benefits. I know, now, that asking a first time mother if they plan to nurse is not a fair question. There is so much you THINK you know before becoming a mom, but in most cases that all changes. It is important to follow your own experience, not what people tell you.
The Things I knew:
I knew my body may not produce as much milk as my baby needed, and nursing may not be an option for me…I was going to stop if that was the case.
I knew it might feel a little weird having a baby latch, and it may be too uncomfortable for me, and that some moms quit because of that feeling … .I was going to keep going anyway.
I knew I needed a lot of “stuff” to pump milk and store milk appropriately…I was going to stay organized and have all of the necessary equipment to make it easy on me.
I knew it was best to give my baby breastmilk because of the health benefits…I was going to do all I could to help my baby fight illness.
I knew it was a bonding experience for the mother and baby…I was determined not to miss out on the connection this would give us.
I knew that economically, it was cheaper to breastfeed and there was no hassle of bottles…I was “just going to nurse whenever they needed to eat”.
I knew it is actually a natural and pretty amazing thing that our bodies produce milk that keeps another human being alive…it’s natural, I should be able to do it!
I KNEW people said it was hard and that it can be “a lot”….but the benefits outweighed that.
I KNEW I wanted to try. I knew these things, but I didn’t really know what all of these things meant.
The BIG Three
There are three major themes I realized with nursing that differed from what I thought I knew. This was going to be a lot harder than I realized, I was going to have restrictions, and I should have set clearer boundaries for when it was time to stop. This insight is in order of importance when it comes to advice – don’t skip #3!
- Nursing is EXHAUSTING in many ways
I knew this may not be easy. I prepared myself that my body may not produce milk. I prepared myself that it may not be an option after watching friends stress about low milk supply. I decided that if my body did not produce milk – I would stop and move on to formula. I DID NOT know that it is physically draining to produce milk and breastfeed. You have to drink lots of water and keep yourself hydrated. Your body is actually WORKING harder to produce milk. They say you lose weight faster when nursing and there is a reason for that. Your body is taking your nutrients and your stored energy to produce milk. I was skin and bones when I nursed my son.
Aside from the exhaustion of your body working overtime, I was putting in extra hours just to make sure I had adequate milk to supply the day while he was at the sitter. My typical mornings:
4:30 am – wake up and pump for bottle #1 of the day.
4:45 am – clean all pump parts and set out to dry to take to work
5:00 am – eat oatmeal breakfast to help with milk supply
5:00 am – back to sleep
6:00 – 6:30 am – wake up my son, change him and get ready for the day
6:30 – 7:00 am – nurse
7:00 – 7:15 am – My husband was out the door/took my son to the sitter
7:15 – 8:00 am – I got ready for work
At work I would take pump breaks 2-3 times a day to keep on schedule with typical feeding schedules. Each break was about 30 minutes (15 minutes of pumping/15 min of clean up). I have to say, at times it was overwhelming, but most of the time I loved this break. It gave me time to remember that I was a mom, and gave me time to breathe in the work day.
It is a lot of work! However, when you are in the thick of it, you don’t notice the extra work. It is what it is and your baby has to eat. As any mom would, you do what you have to do for your baby!
2. There ARE restrictions! (Involving both diet and social situations)
So many people made it sound “easier” because you didn’t have to prepare bottles. You just “whip it out” when you need to feed them. And for some people, I really think this is the case. For me, I did not realize how difficult it would be to nurse in public. I know there are people that make the whole “latching” process look easy. This was one of the hardest parts for me because they had to be positioned JUST RIGHT. I needed my nursing pillow to be able to place my son/daughter and still be able to relax enough to nurse. Because of this placement issue, I couldn’t cover myself up when I was nursing. The slightest slip and it was painful.
I improvised. I looked for any place that had a nursing room so that I could have privacy. This is harder than it sounds. Most places DO NOT have a nursing room, and if they do, it usually has dual purposes. Like a “sitting room” in a public restroom. When we took the kids to the zoo, I went by a closed building and found a bench where I could be somewhat secluded.
***I have to give props to a local farm we visited AFTER I had already concluded my nursing journey. This is a popular farm to visit during the fall months, so it’s a lot of kids and families. They have “BABY BARNS” in the middle of the farm. This is a small single-room barn/shed. Inside is a rocking chair, a nightstand with fresh bottled distilled water and a bottle warmer, a changing table with wipes and a door that locks. I was BLOWN away. This was the first public place that I have seen with facilities this convenient and it was a FARM! If you own a local business that caters to families, take note. I have to give them a BIG high five! *See Photo Below
During family get-togethers, I usually went into a bedroom so it was quiet and I could effectively position myself, and I always brought my pillow. This seemed ridiculous to some people. But, my son didn’t eat when there was a lot going on around him. Then you add my latching struggles and it was necessary to have quiet and privacy. Sometimes this felt so isolating and anti-social. Which is not typical for my personality.
The other aspect you do not think about is the food restrictions. What you eat affects your milk! With my son, I couldn’t eat chili, my mom’s spaghetti sauce, basically anything with an acidic tomato sauce. He would throw up! My daughter had a dairy allergy. Which was much more difficult to manage.
Whether it be a social restriction and the need for privacy, or a dietary restriction. You are still giving your body to another human being and you need to make a lot of sacrifices if you want that to work. This leads me to my most important bit of advice. When is it too much for you? When is it causing too much stress?
3. Give yourself CLEAR boundaries around when you will let yourself stop!
I gave myself the approval to stop nursing if I was not producing milk. If my body was telling me it was unable to make milk, I was going to let it go. That was the ONLY restriction I gave myself going into this journey. But the truth is, my body was telling me in different ways that it was time to stop and so was my daughter.
I have struggled with anxiety most likely my whole life. However, it really got worse when I had babies. I had a lot of postpartum anxiety and that can lead to a lot of stress. I did not listen to my anxiety and I forced myself to nurse for a year because there were benefits to my child. I was anxious over milk supply, diet, my baby’s weight gain and milk consumption. I felt isolated because of the restrictions I listed above and I was exhausted.
In addition to the anxiety, I was skin and bones! My weight went way down and I looked unhealthy. He literally “sucked” everything from me. WIth my daughter, I had low white blood count and I was having regular visits to the hematologist. All of which resolved once I stopped nursing. I also had an awful case of thrush and was bleeding when my daughter nursed. I saw blood in the milk when I pumped and I think that may have been the last straw. Everyone talks about the health benefits of the baby AND the mother but for me that was not the case.
I was so consumed with the immunity benefits, covid, and trying to do what was “best” that I ignored my needs and my struggles and pushed through. I don’t recommend this. It was not best for me and it was not best for my baby.
I pushed myself to nurse my son because I thought it meant he wouldn’t get sick as much when he was older. Guess what? He gets sick the most out of anyone in our house.
I pushed myself to nurse with my daughter because I wanted her to have the best nutrients and immunity because of covid. I switched to formula at 9 months. Guess what? She THRIVED on formula! AND she is the LEAST sick in our house. She fights colds like no other!
Before you start your breastfeeding journey, give yourself some clear guidelines for when it’s time to stop. Yes, have a goal for how long you HOPE to nurse. BUT make sure you take your MENTAL health into consideration. It is just as important to you and your baby as their physical health.
CONCLUSION
These are the difficult aspects of nursing that I was not prepared for. I did not take any of these things into consideration when I made my nursing goals. I wish I had known the way this all feels because I think I would have given myself a break.
I envied the women that stopped nursing. I envied the women that listened to their bodies and knew it was time to stop. I am not saying you don’t deserve encouragement for nursing for long periods of time. BUT there are no trophies, there are no medals. There is just you and your memories with your baby! Make them good ones!
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